Last Updated on April 30, 2023 by alli
Here’s a post with some useful strategies to make your ‘mum life’ a little easier. The purpose of the strategies is to help you manage your time more efficiently and to get your daughter to do what you ask her to do… now what mum wouldn’t like that!
I think we can all agree, there are times when parenting feels tedious, draining, boring, stressful, and difficult. Things that should be simple and quick to do become hard when a child resists doing them, and don’t we all know it! If you have a little girl that doesn’t follow instructions and isn’t compliant, then some of my strategies may help.
Instead of struggling through your days, try to look for new angles, because sometimes thinking outside the square can be a game changer!
Here are some strategies that I’ve used over the years to get my daughter to be more compliant. Each year as she gets older my strategies change but these have all worked for me and have made my days easier. I hope they do the same for you!
1. Getting her out of bed in the morning without a fuss
If you struggle to get your daughter out of bed in the morning, try playing some of her favourite music 15 mins before it’s time for her to get up. It doesn’t have to be loud, just so it wakes her up and she can enjoy it.
If you have a Spotify account you can create a playlist of all her favourite songs. I created a playlist together with my daughter and she name it “Music to wake up to”. You’ll find it does help and not only will she get out of bed easier, but she’ll be in a good mood.
If music doesn’t work, then you can play to her curiosity. For example, you can write a short message on a piece of paper and tape it to her bedroom door (so that it is in her line of sight). When it’s time to get her out of bed, simply comment about a note being left on her door, then leave. Her curiosity will get the better of her and she will hop out of bed to read the note.
Another thing you can try is to place her favourite stuffed toy or Elfie (at Xmas time) in different or comical positions around her room each morning. When it’s time to wake her up, simply say something like “Well, I wonder how that got there”? This will heighten her curiosity, make her more alert and she will sit up in bed to see. It will put a smile on her face and get her in a positive frame of mind, making it much easier for her to get up.
2. Getting her to agree to have a bath or shower
Playing your daughter’s favourite tunes may also help if she is resistant to having a bath or shower. Simply start playing her favourite music in the bathroom (at bath or shower time) and you’ll be amazed at how enticing it will be to her.
If your daughter is no longer having baths and has started showering but is reluctant to do so whenever you ask her to, try this. Take her shopping and allow her to choose her very own body wash (appropriate for her age and skin type), a shower puff (in her favourite colour), and a shower cap (in her favourite design). In other words, allow her to have all those special products she sees that mum has for herself. She will look forward to using all the products because she has chosen them, and she will feel like a big girl.
3. Having her get ready for school on time
The quicker you get your daughter to follow a morning routine, (when getting ready for school,) the smoother your mornings will run. No doubt about it! I was a little late to this procedure and struggled through the first year of school with my daughter. I carried all the burden of making sure she was ready and didn’t pass on any responsibility to her. Don’t make the same mistakes!
Even if your daughter is in kindergarten, she still needs to understand that time will not wait for her. She needs to know there are certain things she must do each morning to be ready for school.
Each household likes to do things in a particular order when getting ready for the day. For example, my daughter is not a breakfast person and needs some time to pass before she is hungry enough to eat. So, she eats her breakfast last, just before it’s time to leave for school.
Work out your daughter’s morning schedule and stick to the same routine each morning. After a while, it will all become second nature to her.
I have attached an easy-to-follow morning checklist to help you out below.
4. Getting her to brush her teeth and do it properly
Did you know it’s recommended that parents brush their own children’s teeth until they are at least 7-8 years old? The reason is that they are simply too young to be brushing properly. Our dentist recommended we do this with our daughter, and she was not having a bar of it! In fact, I think you would be stretched to find any child that would happily allow their parents to brush their teeth.
When your daughter brushes her teeth, there are 3 easy things you can do to help her with the process.
- Stand side by side with her (looking into the mirror) and brush your teeth at the same time, so that she can copy you. Or you can mimic brushing your teeth and talk her through the procedure.
- Purchase a 2-minute hourglass timer and ask her to brush for the duration, until the sand runs out. Without a timer and left to their own devices, children do not brush long enough. We all need to be brushing our teeth for a minimum of two minutes to do a proper clean.
- Remember music is your friend! To make brushing more fun and to make sure she brushes for long enough, find a song that your daughter likes (that runs for just over 2 minutes) and ask her to brush for the duration of the song. She can bop along to the music while she is brushing.
5. Styling her hair without a fuss
If your daughter hates having her hair brushed and styled, and complains about it hurting her, you can try the following.
- Always use a detangler brush (they do make all the difference).
- Important! Ask her to brush her own hair before you style it. Let her know she is responsible for getting all the knots out.
- While you are styling her hair distract her by talking to her about something she loves or is really interested in. I do this all the time with my daughter, and she becomes so absorbed and fixated about what she is talking about, that she doesn’t even notice me styling her hair. Things that normally bug her about the process go unnoticed!
6. Teaching her responsibility
Mums have a lot to remember to do each day, from our work schedules, children’s schedules, and household schedules. We try to be organised and remember it all but sometimes we slip and forget something (we are human).
During my daughter’s first couple of years of school, whenever she was missing something in her school bag, like her hat, library books or homework, she would simply explain to the teacher “It’s not there because my mum forgot”.
Let’s teach our daughters responsibility. They need to understand that if something is missing from their bags, it’s because they forgot (not mum).
An easy place to start is by printing out a simple to follow weekly planner. Ask your daughter to complete it and have her refer to it each morning when she is getting ready for school. She will then be clear on what’s happening that day and what to put in her school bag. It will teach her to be organised and more responsible.
As I always say, starting early is the key. So even if your daughter is as young as 5 or 6 years old, you can write the planner out with her and guide her through it.
7. Enticing her to do household chores
A great way to get your daughter to contribute around the house is by making it clear that to receive an allowance (or pocket money) each week, she must earn it.
I have previously written a blog post about teaching your daughter the value of money and spoke about the introduction of a ‘Pocket Money Contract’. This is something that we use with our daughter and have found it to be very useful.
8. Getting homework done without a fuss
Homework is not a popular subject in our house. My daughter will do anything to avoid it.
As with the previous topic (about getting household chores done) adding homework to your daughter’s “Pocket money contract” will work a treat too. If she knows that getting her homework done is part of the agreement for getting her pocket money, she will be more inclined to do it!
In addition, something else that has made our life a little easier when it comes to starting homework is the use of a fully stocked homework box. When it’s time to do homework, all you need to do is ask your daughter to bring it to the table with her.
My daughter enjoyed decorating her box and she put the following essential items in it –
- A small analog clock to help with understanding time.
- A measuring tape or ruler to help with measurements.
- Piece of paper containing any passwords you’ll need for online learning.
- Note pad for taking down notes and working out equations.
- Stationary like – eraser, pencils, scissors, glue, sharpener, highlighter stapler and calculator.
- Helpful notes or resources like times tables or a dictionary.
9. Getting her to eat her vegetables
One of the first posts I wrote on my blog was about how I got my daughter to start eating vegetables. It was hard work and an ongoing process, but the positive gains have been worth it.
Children love praise and reward. Whenever your daughter eats even a small amount of vegetables (that you know she hates) praise her for it. Concentrate on the portion that has been eaten and not on the portion left on the plate. By praising her, she will feel good about herself and feel as though she has accomplished something. Over time she will start to eat more.
Something else you can try is this easy-to-follow rewards chart. For each piece of vegetable (and fruit) she eats she gains a point. Once she has gained over 30 points in a week, she receives a reward.
10. Making bedtime easier
It’s common for young children to hate going to bed (and don’t we know it). If bedtime causes you frustration, and you feel a sense of foreboding each night as bedtime gets closer, here are some strategies you can try.
- Stop all screen time at least 30 minutes before bed. Replace the screen with something more likely to relax her, such as reading.
- If your daughter is at an age where she is an independent reader, have her read a book of her choice for 20 minutes before lights out. Or, if not you can read to her.
- My daughter loves art and I have no problem with her getting into bed (with pad and pencils) 20 minutes before sleep time and doing some drawing.
- If your daughter has a favourite doll or stuffed toy, she can play dress-up with it until it’s time for lights out. She can then also sleep with it.
- If you know your daughter is looking forward to something the following day remind her the sooner she goes to sleep, the sooner tomorrow will come.
- If your main aim every bedtime is to keep her in bed and have her become relaxed and ready for sleep, then prehaps consider trying a podcast or app that helps kids fall asleep. Here is a link to a post by Reviewed where they list 18 great podcasts and apps for kids’ bedtimes.
New strategies are the key
If you find yourself getting frustrated repeatedly over the same problems that keep arising, then it’s time to change tactics.
Each child is different, and so are parenting styles. Remember, no one knows your daughter better than you do, so use that to your advantage. As Dr Phil always says, you need to know your child’s currency (or what they value). It could be a toy, a playdate, pocket money or getting screentime.
Once you know your daughter’s currency you can then either offer it as a reward (for doing what you asked her to do), or you can take it away as a consequence (for not doing as you asked her to do). For example, my daughter’s currency is without a doubt screentime. So, I can choose to reward her with extra screentime for doing the right thing, and I can also choose to deduct screentime for not complying.
Praise is essential
It’s very important to remember to always praise your daughter when she does something you have asked and always compliment her on her efforts.
Your praise and encouragement will boost your daughter’s confidence and pride. She will feel as though she has accomplished something and will want to repeat it, and best of all, she will become more compliant as time goes on.
Do you have any special strategies that work well for you? I’d love for you to share them with us.
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