12 Common Behaviours of Tween Girls

Please share with your friends!

Last Updated on July 4, 2023 by alli

Let’s talk about the behaviours of tween girls. I’m in the throes of raising one and it’s challenging, to say the least! Only last year, I had a little girl who was bubbly and chatty. She would wake up with a smile on her face, and there was nothing she loved more than receiving hugs and kisses. Her mantra was “Mum, don’t you wish this hug could last forever?”

Then, suddenly and unexpectedly that little girl disappeared. In her place now is a girl who still looks like my daughter, but this child pushes boundaries and wants to be treated (and given privileges) as though she is a young adult.

I knew to brace myself for her teenage years, but I wasn’t prepared for the challenging tween years!

What is a tween?

A tween (or preteen) is a child aged between 9 and 12 years of age. Tweens are either in their last few years of primary school or their first year of high school. They are called tweens because they are between childhood and adolescence. During the tween phase, a lot of changes occur physically, emotionally and socially.  

12 signs you are living with a tween.

Tween girls share a lot of common behaviours as listed below. My daughter happens to tick all of the boxes!

1. She no longer shows interest in her favourite toys

The toys she used to cherish and refer to as being precious or “a limited edition” now mean nothing to her and sit in boxes never to be played with or appreciated again.

2. Seeks more privacy.

There will be a lot of physical changes taking place during the tween years. She’ll notice the changes happening to her body and feel awkward and embarrassed about them.

You’ll notice a lot of door closing, and the need for more privacy. Even general things like, brushing her teeth and styling her hair must now be done behind closed doors. Everything is private and she’ll crave more space for herself. You’ll no longer be welcome to be in the bathroom with her.

3. Her appearance is more important to her.

Gone are the days when she’ll happily slip on a pair of Kmart sandals or sneakers to pop down to the shops with you.

Now there’s a whole ensemble that needs to be put together. This includes her favourite outfit, fashion jewellery, and the expensive Nike Air Force sneakers you begrudgingly bought her after months of her begging.

She’ll also need to style her hair and apply a large amount of lip gloss. After all, you never know who you might bump into in the supermarket!

4. She uses one of the three “L” words in her sentences.

Your daughter’s speech can also indicate she has become a tween. When she speaks, she’ll use the word “like”, “literally” or “legit” in her sentences. Sometimes she’ll even manage to fit all three in one sentence!

Here is an example – “I legit told my friend I didn’t say that, and she like, literally didn’t believe me.” I know, impressive right?

If you’re not careful, it’ll stick and you’ll literally start speaking that way too!

5. She no longer reaches out to hold your hand.

This is a sad one for me because I miss holding my daughter’s hand.

A tween will stop wanting to hold your hand when walking with you. This is because she doesn’t want anyone (her friends) to see her holding her parent’s hand. In fact, she doesn’t even want to be seen with a parent! You are now officially uncool. 

At times this can be a little worrying if you have to cross a busy road and need to take her hand for safety reasons because she will resist.

6. Her appetite increases.

“I’m hungry”, “Can I have a snack” and “When’s dinner” will play on repeat. She’ll always have her head in the pantry.

My daughter becomes hungry the second I take her device (Ipad or iPhone) away from her… I guess without social media, there’s nothing better to do than eat!

7. Popularity at school is really important to her.

She is now focused on being well-liked at school. Being friends with popular and cool kids is important to her. Fitting in is essential.

To fit in, she’ll want to do and have the same things as her friends. Such as, she’ll want to have the same social media accounts, and she’ll want the current sneakers everyone at school is wearing. They will be expensive! Kmart or Target will be a thing of the past. You will now be shopping for Nike and everything will have to fit in with her “aesthetic” (see point 8 below).   

8. Her aesthetic really matters!

What is this “aesthetic”, you may be asking yourself? Well, as my tween daughter will explain, it’s important to know your fashion aesthetic, and hers happens to be “Streetwear” in case you’re interested.

Streetwear is the style of wearing baggy jeans (preferably ripped at the knees, oversized T-shirts and (expensive) sneakers.

9. Obsesses about being on her iPad or iPhone.

She’ll continuously tell you that ALL her friends are on a certain social media platform, and she’s the only one that’s not. ALL her friends have the latest phone, but she’s the only one that doesn’t. ALL her friends are allowed to watch the latest supernatural / horror series on Netflix, but she’s the only one that can’t. 

No matter how much time you allow her to be on her device, it will never be enough. Warning: do not tell her she is obsessed or addicted to her device, because this is “like, literally not true!”

10. You can no longer teach her anything because you know nothing.

Gone are the days when you could talk to her and teach her something. She now no longer listens. This is because she has better sources of reference than you. They are – Google, TikTok, every living soul on YouTube and her friends, of course.

If you try to force your opinion, you’ll get the dreaded eye roll (see point 11 below).

11. Eye-rolling is now part of her repertoire.

Once the eye-rolling starts it doesn’t stop. According to my tween, she doesn’t realise she’s doing it, so therefore she can’t control or stop it. The eyes have a life of their own.

12. She is constantly pushing for more independence.

She’ll badger you for more independence, and want to do things that teenagers do like –

• Walk or ride her bike to and from school on her own
• Be left alone at home
• Have more sleepovers
• Go for unsupervised walks with her friends
• Wear makeup
• Get an iPhone

If you have a tween daughter with the above behaviours, you’re probably questioning whether she even loves you anymore.

You may be the target of her eye-rolling, sarcastic remarks, back chat, and silent treatment. It may feel as though she is pushing you away from her more and more as she reaches adolescence.

I can relate to it all and I try to remind myself that I’m her parent, not her friend. She needs me now, more than ever to be there for her. It’s my job to keep her safe and teach her the skills she’ll need to be independent and responsible.

The tween phase won’t last forever, and the truth is her behaviour is worse at home because that’s where she feels the safest. That’s where she feels the most loved.

We will all get through it… in enough time to prepare ourselves for the teenage phase!