Last Updated on March 19, 2022 by alli
Here is a great quote about motherhood by author and blogger Gretchen Rubin.
“The days are long, but the years are short”. How true this is.
Every day is long, busy, and tiring. Yet the years pass us by so quickly. Our daughters are growing up so fast.
With that in mind, here are 13 important things all mums need to remember when raising little girls:
1. You are your daughter’s number one role model
Your daughter is always watching, listening, taking cues, mimicking, and learning from you.
You are the biggest role model she will ever have. Some of your beliefs and values may become hers too.
She will learn self-love and how to treat herself from you.
The things you say and do when she is little can impact her and stay with her for the rest of her life.
You can also change the course of her life by teaching her (and showing her) that she can achieve anything she puts her mind to.
Important Quote: Your influence as a mother is powerful. Don’t waste it. Little eyes are watching. – Author unknown
2. What may be good for your daughter is not always what’s convenient for you.
We’ve all been there. Getting caught up in our busy days and schedules. At times we find ourselves saying no to our children when they ask to do something. The reason we say no is because we are tired and it’s too hard for us. It’s inconvenient.
I’m not suggesting that we say yes to everything. That’s not wise or possible, and the truth is, children are always asking for something. What is important though, is that we can identify clearly when we should be saying yes, even if it’s inconvenient to us.
I can give you many examples of things my 10-year-old daughter asks for that are not enjoyable for me. These things, though, come with benefits to her and that’s what I try to keep reminding myself. Here are just two examples:
Painting – the benefits to my daughter when she is painting, is that she is:
- being creative
- using her imagination
- doing something she loves
- proud of her creations.
The inconvenience to me is that there is a hell of a lot of mess to clean up afterwards! 🙂
Playing in the pool – the benefit to my daughter is that she is:
- gaining confidence in the water
- improving her swimming skills
- improving her fitness and stamina
- having the time of her life.
The inconvenience to me is that I have to sit and supervise her the whole time – it’s boring.
So next time we are chauffeuring our daughters back and forth to playdates, birthday parties, sporting and school events, let’s remind ourselves that what we are doing is valuable.
Insightful Quote: “What is best for the child is not always what is most convenient for the parent.” – Bonnie Bedford.
3. Eating together as a family is important
Before my partner and I became parents we would eat our meals in front of the TV with our plates on our laps. Then our daughter came along. Since the day she was old enough to sit in the chair at the dining table, we have been eating dinner as a family (when schedules allow).
Family dinners can take the stresses of the day away. They stop us from watching TV and scrolling through social media feeds on our phones.
Family dinners bring family members together physically and emotionally.
If your family can’t come together to eat every night, don’t put pressure on yourself. Just remember that when you can, it’s advantageous to do so.
The benefits from family mealtimes are bountiful. Some benefits may even surprise you. Here are five you need to know about:
- They encourage conversation and provide an opportunity to hear about everyone’s day. (My daughter enjoys telling us about her day at school. She talks about her teacher and friends. She also talks about all the good and bad things that may have happened that day. It’s a fantastic way to keep updated with how your children are feeling).
- They build self-esteem in your child because you are giving her your attention and listening to her. When you listen, it shows her she is important.
- They are a great opportunity to talk about anything that needs to be addressed within the family.
- They are an opportunity to teach good eating habits and table manners, which promotes good behaviour.
- It brings family members closer together and builds stronger bonds and relationships. (Studies have shown this contributes to a lower risk of depression, anxiety, substance abuse, teenage pregnancy and eating disorders).
Famous Quote: “Families that eat together, stay together.”
4. Cooking with your daughter has many benefits
There are so many benefits to spending time in the kitchen with your daughter. Here are 8 you need to know about:
- It’s a fantastic way to spend quality time together.
- Each time she successfully bakes or cooks something it will boost her confidence.
- She is more likely to eat the food you give her if she has played a role in preparing it.
- It increases her knowledge of the measurement and weight system.
- Her reading skills and word development improve from having to read and interpret recipes.
- It teaches patients and focus.
- Her coordination and movements are improved from techniques such as sifting, whisking, stirring, pouring, rolling dough and using cookie cutters.
- She will be set up with life skills for the future (knowing how to cook will encourage healthy eating habits, a healthier lifestyle and independence).
Insightful Quote: Cooking with kids is not just about ingredients, recipes, and cooking. It’s about harnessing imagination, empowerment, and creativity. – Guy Fieri
5. Whether you are a working mum or a stay-at-home mum, don’t feel guilty about it!
Some mums work full time because they choose to, and that’s OK!
Some mums work because they have to contribute to the family income, and that’s OK!
Some mums are busy stay-at-home mums, and that’s OK!
Some mums work part-time, and that’s OK!
Some mums work from home, and that’s OK!
Some mums volunteer their time at school, and that’s OK!
No mum should ever judge another mother. We are all doing what we can to the best of our ability.
What we need to keep in mind is that what may work well for one mum, may not work well for you… and that’s OK!
Truthful Quote: “I have met stay at home moms and moms who have a job outside the home, but I have yet to meet a mom who doesn’t work.” – Author Unknown
6. You’ll be a lot happier if you don’t compare yourself to other mums.
If you want to be a happier mum, then don’t compare yourself or your parenting to other mums. The problem with comparing is that you are believing your perception of others, and this perception is usually that others are doing things better than you.
You think you are seeing mums that are more organised than you, happier than you, and parenting better than you. You also begin to see others as the standard that you should be aiming for because you feel you are falling short.
We should be teaching our daughters to not give importance to what others have or what they are doing. Our daughters should be taught to focus only on their own goals and desires.
Inspiring Quote: “Look for happiness under your own roof.” – Gretchen Rubin
7. When you make time for your marriage (or partner), it benefits your children.
Your daughter will find comfort, security and happiness from parents who have a healthy relationship.
If mum and dad are happy together, then the home will be a positive place of peace, safety and love.
It’s also important to keep in mind that your daughter is learning about relationships from you. You and your partner are her examples of what a relationship is supposed to look like.
A happy marriage or partnership takes effort and a lot of hard work though.
When you prioritize all your time on your children, this can negatively impact your relationship. Sometimes, without realising it, you can slowly become distant from your partner.
However, when you place even the smallest amount of time or effort into your relationship, it can cause a resurgence of intimacy and love.
Try to find time for simple things like dates nights, or if evenings are not possible, go out for a coffee or lunch, take walks together or buy a small gift with a personal message. Sometimes giving your partner a simple hug can work magic.
Prioritising your marriage will benefit your daughter today and help her with her relationships in the future.
Logical Quote: “Before you and your spouse can work as a team raising your children, you must first work as a team in your marriage.” – Jim George.
8. Self-care for mums is vitally important
First things first. Self-care is not selfish. It is necessary and important. It’s something a person consciously makes time to do that benefits and promotes their overall wellbeing.
Here is why self-care is a must for mums. When mums take a little bit of time out for themselves (to revive, rejuvenate, relax or unwind), not only do they benefit from it personally but the whole family does too.
The happier and more rejuvenated mum is, the better mum she will be.
As mums of little girls, we need to remind ourselves that they are always watching us and listening to us. We are their role model. For this reason, daughters must see their mothers taking care of themselves through self-care. This will teach them that how you treat yourself is just as important as how you treat and take care of others.
Memorable Quote: “Self-Care is giving the world the best of you instead of what’s left of you.” – Katie Reed
9. Never underestimate the importance of structure and routine
Children thrive when they have a solid structure and live by well-planned routines at home each day. They thrive because the routine they live by helps them develop important life skills and healthy habits.
As they age they will learn how to be on time, meet deadlines, follow instructions, be neat and orderly, be reliable and the list goes on.
Another important benefit a child receives from routine and structure is it helps them to feel safe. They feel safe because everything is predictable, regular and normal. When they feel safe they have confidence, are happy and are good learners.
If we think about children that come from trauma, (via neglect and abuse), there is no routine and predictability at home. Each day is scary, unpredictable and unknown. Children from trauma don’t know what’s going to happen from one minute to the next.
Every day after school will be different for a child that comes from a disorganised home. If we know this, then how can we expect the child to thrive at school?
Structure and routine not only benefits the child but also benefits the mum. When her family is living by well-planned routines, she will feel:
- organised
- less stressed
- in control
- proud of her parenting
Insightful Quote: Our children are counting on us to provide two things: consistency and structure. Children need parents who say what they mean, mean what they say, and do what they say they are going to do. – Barbara Coloroso
10. Teach your daughter about money early
Would you like your daughter to be financially independent when she is a young woman? If so, the way to help her get there is to start talking about money at an early age. Teach her how money is attained and how it’s used.
This can be as simple as explaining to her that dad and/or mum are going to work because when you work, you get paid. With that pay, you buy things like food, clothes and all her books and toys etc.
You can also show her bills that come in to be paid. You can explain to her the reason you have electricity and food in the house is that mum or dad have worked hard to pay for it.
Kids need to understand these things are not just provided for free.
Teaching her how to budget, and set financial goals is also very important. An easy way to do this is by giving her three jars. Label the first jar “Save”, the 2nd jar “Spend”, and the 3rd jar “Give”. Once a week you can pay her an allowance (pocket money) and teach her how to plan and budget by deciding how much to put in each jar. This is a great way to start teaching her the value of money.
Important Quote: “It’s never too early to teach your children about the tool of money. Teach them how to work for it and they learn pride and self-respect. Teach them how to save it and they learn security and self-worth. Teach them how to be generous with it and they learn love.” – Judith Jamison
11. Your words are powerful and will influence your daughter’s life
Words are extremely powerful. When used positively, they can be uplifting, informative, loving, emotional, romantic, beautiful, encouraging, educational and funny.
When used negatively, they can be bullying, hateful, break your heart, strip you of your confidence and self-esteem, shock you, upset you, and cause you to question yourself and your ability.
Most of us can still remember certain words that were said to us when we were very young. Their effect was so strong that they have stayed with us. Sometimes these words are beautiful, and we desperately hold on to them.
Sometimes, they are hurtful words that remain within us and they impact the person we become. No matter how old we get, or how much we try to forget the hurtful words, they live on.
Here are two things to remember when it comes to words and raising your daughter:
- The words you say to her and how you deliver them will influence the woman she will become.
- It’s important to teach her that the words she uses when talking to others (particularly at school) are very powerful. She needs to understand they can either cause happiness or hurt.
Speak the right words and display the right examples at home to her. Be a positive role model. In return, she will mirror you and express herself positively out into the world. She will then be remembered as someone who made other people feel good.
Inspirational Quote: “The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice” – Peggy O’Mara
12. Be consistent and follow through on consequences
Consequences work when they are always followed through thoroughly.
When a parent is inconsistent it sends a message to the child that the parent is not serious about what they are saying. The child will also believe that she can get away with ignoring her parent’s requests because there will be no consequences to worry about.
When it comes to consequences, the most important thing a parent can do is stick to it! If you tell your daughter her consequence for bad behaviour is no screen time for a whole day, don’t give in early. Make sure it’s for the whole day.
When your actions don’t match what you’re saying, your child will not take you seriously. There will be no reason for them to change their bad behaviour because they will know you will not follow through.
Never threaten your child with a consequence that you are not prepared to follow through on. An example of this is – “Stay in your seat and behave, or we will leave the restaurant and go home immediately.” If you are not prepared to follow through, don’t say it.
The best consequences are realistic and easily actionable ones. An example of this is – “Clean your room or no dessert tonight”.
Remember to say what you mean and mean what you say… consistently!
True Quote: “Kids don’t quite get what the consequences are until the consequences are due.” – John Fogerty
13. Your daughter needs you to be her mother not her friend
Your daughter will have many friends in her life, but she will only have one mother. This means, while she is little, she will get one chance to be guided, protected, nurtured and loved unconditionally by you.
A mother is someone willing to put her daughter’s well-being first.
She understands that sometimes she has to say no because it’s for her daughter’s good and well-being, even though she knows it will upset her.
A mother is not someone that is trying to win a popularity competition. She is not trying to be cool and liked. She is someone that understands the need to set guidelines and give direction.
Being her mother (and not her friend) does NOT mean you can’t have fun with your daughter and hang out. You can absolutely maintain parental boundaries while having a fun relationship with your child.
As your daughter grows (into a teenager and then later into a young woman), your mother-daughter relationship will blossom and slowly shift into a cherished friendship of mutual respect and love. It’s then that your daughter will reflect and realise how much she has benefited from the structure and rules you provided in her childhood.
Accurate Quote: “Kids don’t need another friend. What they need is a parent to be a parent.” – Judge Judy
Finally!
To every single mum out there. In case you haven’t been told lately, you are doing an amazing job! Your daughter is lucky to have you.
Remember, when mum is shining then she’s likely to have her ‘little girl shining’ too!
Final Quote: “Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.” – Charles R Swindoll
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