Last Updated on October 3, 2023 by alli
Before I became a mum, I thought I knew what kind of parent I’d be. I’d spend time daydreaming about all the lovely playtime I’d share with my child. I’d imagine us giggling and having so much fun together.
Then my daughter came along, the “Brady Bunch” daydreaming stopped and reality kicked in. I quickly realised I’m just not the kind of mum that finds playing with my child enjoyable. For example, I don’t enjoy pretend-play with Barbie dolls. I don’t enjoy eating servings of pretend food (nom nom) while playing with tea sets, and I don’t enjoy pretending to be a wild animal in the jungle (ROAR!).
Whenever I do play with my daughter (because my guilt has got the better of me), I feel awkward and like a fraud. Everything always feels forced because I’m pretending to be enjoying myself.
Most of the time I’m not even fully present. I’m usually thinking about something else, like doing another load of washing or wondering if the meat has thawed out for dinner. To top it off, my daughter spends half the time telling me I’m doing it all wrong anyway!
Being a big introvert doesn’t help either because I find pretend-play mentally draining. When I try to end the playtime, my daughter is always disappointed because it’s never long enough.
The fact that I don’t like to play with my daughter, does not mean I don’t like spending time with her. And because I don’t like to play, does not make me a bad mum. I have a lot to offer in other areas!
So instead of playing with my daughter, I do other things with her. I do things that we both enjoy, to ensure we have quality one-on-one mother and daughter time together. While we’re doing these things together we’re both being our true selves, and no one is pretending otherwise.
The importance of spending quality time with your daughter
Like me, you’ve probably heard many times over that the most important thing you can give your child is your time. Spending quality time with your child is important because:
It shows her she is important. This will help boost her self-esteem.
You will grow closer and form a stronger bond with each other. This is important as she matures and has bigger problems. Due to your close bond, she’ll confide in you.
There’ll be more open and honest communication between you. When you spend regular quality time together, your daughter will become comfortable with having conversations. As a mum, you’ll benefit from the conversations too. You’ll learn things about your daughter that you may not have previously known, like some of her worries, frustrations, problems at school and likes and dislikes.
Other things you can do with your daughter that don’t include playing
There are many simple things you can do to connect with your daughter. The best activities are the ones that relate to your lifestyle and the relationship you both share. For example, if you are an active or sporty family, then bike riding or swimming may be enjoyable activities for you both.
Every connection you make with your daughter will have a lasting impact on her and reassure her of your love. Later, when she’s an adult (and perhaps a mum herself), it’s the things you did together that she’ll treasure and warmly remember you by. Some activities you could try are:
Baking Treats or Cooking Dinner together
There are so many benefits to cooking with your daughter. When you cook together, you are helping her to:
- Improve her reading skills and comprehension by following a recipe
- Increase her knowledge of measurements (eg. ½ cup compared to ¼ cup)
- Boost her confidence (because she has created something)
- Improve her coordination and movement (by using techniques such as sifting, whisking, stirring, pouring, measuring, rolling dough, and using cookie cutters.
- Learn an important life skill. Knowing how to cook for herself will foster her independence.
Colouring
Over the last few years, colouring has grown in popularity with adults. If you haven’t tried it, you should as it’s a great way to relax and de-stress. The fact that most children love to colour, makes it a fantastic pass time to do with your daughter. While colouring you can talk about anything and everything. It’s a great way to catch up on what’s happening at school or anything else that she may wish to share with you. It’s a wonderful opportunity to bond.
Before my daughter started school, colouring together actually helped me teach her how to share. I noticed early on that she was quite possessive of her pencils and a little reluctant to let me use them. This was a bit of a red flag. I knew I needed to teach her how to share and take turns with things. Colouring together helped me achieve that.
Reading together
To me, reading is a privilege and a gift. The benefits of reading are bountiful to both adults and children. Reading can help you relax, especially if you read before bedtime. For the precious time that you’re reading, you can forget about your worries and be transported to a different place. Reading enhances a person’s imagination, it’s entertaining and particularly for children, it’s also educational. Sitting side by side with your daughter and reading to her is a fantastic way of spending time together. The love of reading is also probably one of the best gifts you can pass on to her.
Fun Outings
Going out for the morning and doing a bit of shopping together can be fun because we all love a bit of retail therapy. When I take my daughter out shopping, the main purpose of the outing is to spend quality time together. It’s not really about the shopping. Sometimes we buy as little as a book for me and some art supplies for her. We always include a visit to a café as my daughter feels it’s fancy to do so. We order a coffee for me and a smoothie for her… and maybe a muffin… and a piece of cake. 😊
Performances
If your daughter is a natural performer like mine and she loves to dress up, sing and dance, then another fun thing you can do is allow her to perform for you. I help my daughter choose the music and allow her to dress up. Then I introduce her (to our pretend audience) and I videotape her performances. Some of my videos date back to 6 years ago and I love playing them back to her because they make her giggle with embarrassment. The videos are also wonderful keepsakes.
Family Dinners
In our home, dinners are always eaten together as a family. My daughter sets the table every night and she always has lots and lots… and lots to talk about! Sometimes there is too much talking and not enough eating, but we’re working on it. One of the main benefits of eating dinner together as a family is that it helps you to connect. Everyone is present at the table and no one is on a phone or device. It enables the whole family to come together and talk about their day or anything else that may be on our minds.
Benefits to kids playing alone
Just because your daughter has asked you to play with her, doesn’t mean you have to every time. Encouraging her to also play on her own comes with the following benefits:
- It develops social independence
- Teaches her how to problem-solve
- Reduces her reliance on you
- Enhances her imagination
- Helps to settle and calm her (when children play on their own they are always much calmer than when they play with a group).
And Finally
Let’s ditch the mum guilt!
If you’re like me and you also don’t like to play with your child, then let’s agree to cut ourselves some slack. Let’s try to acknowledge all the positive things we do and remember we are all doing our best every day. The truth is, this is also probably the very same advice you give to your daughter when you tell her that her best is good enough!
What are some enjoyable activities that you do with your daughter?
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